Ditching My To-Do List For A Glimmer Mindset.
I would describe myself as, a passionately good human with the greatest intentions, but also with the weakest follow throughs. My inability to often finish what I’ve enthusiastically started isn’t at all done purposefully. I used to think I was just really irresponsible. Undoubtedly, the same crap sits on my to-do list, week after week, month after month, thinking I’ll get to it, but knowing fully well that my anxiety and ADHD are enormous roadblocks. However, I simultaneously do accomplish a lot, and am in many ways a successful person, leading a (mostly) high-functioning existence. Inevitably though, it’s my shortcomings and list of fails that take up most of my mental bandwidth, keeping me up at night. It’s like we’re conditioned to concentrate on our flaws so we’ll keep actively participating in life’s constant hustle. How come there’s a neverending to-do list, yet really no such thing as an ongoing “accomplishment list?” I guess for the same reasons why we look in the mirror and notice the features we dislike the most, completely ignoring the aspects we really dig about ourselves. I feel like resolutions are just another way to keep us trapped in the grind. Like, how can we use this next year to work harder, exhaust ourselves more, and consistently set ourselves up for disappointment?” No. Fucking.Thanks.
Even though I’m having an “anti-resolution 2025,” doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in the beauty of a fresh start, and embracing opportunities to evolve and sink deeper into the experience of life. This is why I’m entering the coming year with a completely different perspective. I’m trading in my perpetually incomplete to-do list, and instead, keeping track of life’s little wins and joys - the glimmers. Having conversations with people who’ve kept “glimmer journals,” in their bag to consistently write down the good things that happen to them and around them, it’s obvious that even this one act can transform one's mindset about daily life. Recently, I spent time with my friend, Liz, who first introduced me to this practice two years ago. I’ll admit that I was (not shockingly), at the time, skeptical, and didn’t take it very seriously. Presently more ready to jump on the glimmers bandwagon, I asked her a few weeks ago if she’s still keeping her journal. “Oh, not only do I still write everything down (as she pulled her little notebook with butterflies and flowers out to show me), I’ve completely integrated it all into mine and my family’s lifestyle.” FULL DISCLOSURE: It’s important to note that Liz also meditates, does Yoga twice a week, Has RJF (Resting Joy Face), and all the plants in her house are totally thriving. Basically, she’s just a different level of human than I am. I know who I am as a person, and meditation and Yoga are NOT on my bucket list. But, being more joyful and, uh, less overtly impatient and negative about pretty much everything, is a level of the human experience that I would LOVE to unlock.
Liz has two kids who are younger than my own. She’s incorporated what she calls the
“glimmer mindset” (focusing on even the tiniest positives of situations rather than the negative) into her home, parenting, work, and romantic life. On her kitchen table sits a large glass jar about a third of the way filled with folded pieces of construction paper. There’s a pile of torn up blank sheets and a marker next to the jar. Each family member has a different color of construction paper to record their glimmers. When the jar is full, they have a celebration. “My kids are still young enough that I can get away with an ice cream sundae party where we eat, play games, and read all the glimmers aloud. But I definitely realize in a few years I’m going to have to ‘up my game,’ and take them to an amusement park or something if I want them to keep being excited about it.”
Leaving Liz’s house that day, I went straight into “Danielle mode,” ruminating on why I can’t keep even one fucking plant alive, but Liz, a single mom who works fulltime, practically has an entire botanical sanctuary in her living room. No wonder her kids see so much more goodness in the world. They have more fresh fucking oxygen and a mom who heals shit rather than kills it. NO! I’m not going to do this. Rather, I’m going to take this idea of a “glimmer mindset,” and “Danielle-ify” it, with my own strengths, ideas, and curiosities. One thing Liz said that really stuck with me was, “you start with the stuff that makes you miserable, and figure out how to get more enjoyment out of it. She said she’d done this with dating. “I hated dating so much and was ready to give up. But after each date, I would write down the positive aspects that had come out of it, even if I couldn’t stand the person I’d just met. Also, I always stop at my favorite cheese shop on the way home and pick up some ridiculously overpriced cheese that I never get otherwise, go home, open a bottle of wine, and have a little ‘post-date’ relaxation time. That way I always have something to look forward to, and it doesn’t seem like a horrific waste of time. Set yourself up for success, because we want to do things when we look forward to them more.” Below are some ideas I’ve come up with (I’ll follow up after I’ve actually set everything up - something I’m actually incredibly excited about doing, so I know I’ll actually follow through this time).
Instructions From Liz:
Think about the parts of your day or overall schedule that are the worst. How can you make them better? What little “luxuries” or “practices” would make you look forward to it rather than dread it? Even small changes can transform how we feel about tasks and parts of our schedule we dread.
Here is the (starting) list I came up with, and my plans for transformation. I have already started making some of these changes, and again, will definitely keep everyone updated once I’ve finished putting everything into place.
First, I ordered a tiny journal and a pen I would be excited about using (don’t judge me), and am going to keep it in my bag. This will be my “glimmer journal,” in which I write down all the good things that happen, anything I see that makes me feel uplifted, and moments that spark hope, optimism, gratitude, and joy.
While I love the idea of a “glimmer jar” with construction paper, I simply do not trust my family or myself to keep up with it. Therefore, I am going to keep a book I found on our island. Each family member will have a different color pen, and guests will also be welcomed and encouraged to be a part of it!
Being that we’re heading into the months of seasonal depression and shorter days, my first thought is that I want to make the inside of my house feel really good and cozy to make up for the lack of sunshine. My house is small, with five people and four pets, and gets very cluttered. There also isn’t really a comfortable spot to sit and read, do schoolwork, or just hang. However, there is a corner of our family room that’s empty, and I’ve decided to transform into a “Hygge Nook.” I’ve been a “Hygge Voyeur” for years, talking to my scandinavian friends, interviewing people on the podcast about it, reading ‘ how to’ books about it, but never have actually started to use it in my home. Now seems like the perfect time to dip my toes in!
The last thing I’m going to start with, is my car. I spend so much time driving, and am in there maybe as much as my house. It tends to get cluttered, and I tend to get stressed being in there. Also, I often sit in my car while my son has a practice or needs to be somewhere too far to drive home. If I could make it somewhere I like to spend my time, maybe I wouldn’t dread driving and sitting there for so long, and could find more “glimmers.” Here is the list that contains some of the stuff I ordered, and again, I will follow up with pictures and reviews soon.
I’m also adding, “things I’m doing/indulging in to bring MYSELF joy when I’m having a tough day, week, or am just feeling ‘off.’”
If you’d like to join me on this journey, feel free to use the questions below to brainstorm about your “Year Of Glimmers.”
What aspects of your day tend to make you the most frustrated/impatient? What small changes can you make to transform those moments into more positive ones, and to have changes to collect more “glimmers?”
Think about the places you spend most of your time. Do they feel “good” to you? If not, how, specifically, would you like them to feel? What can you do/purchase/change to better encapture that feeling?
Are there people in your life with whom you just tend to collect more glimmers? You know, those who feel like sunshine, and somehow, so much of the stress and negativity melts away when you’re around them? What are some ways you can ensure that you have more time with them, and what aspects of them might you be more attuned to while you’re together that will help you carry that feeling long after you’ve left their presence?
Places in your life where you feel so comfortable, safe, and uplifted, that the chances of feeling more positivity and collecting more glimmers. How can you work these spaces into your schedule so that you spend as much time as possible there?
Other ideas for maximizing joy, glimmers, and positivity this coming year?
Interested in embracing the Hygge lifestyle this winter? Check out my list of Hygge essentials and favorites for a cozy home or nook.
Here are some Hygge Essentials:
Mugs filled with your favorite warm drink.
Are you someone who spends more time in your car than just about anywhere else? These little accessories will make you want to spend more time hanging out there!
Listen to our episode about Wintering, and all about Hygge and the Danish Way of Life.